I am having my own pitty party today because the bf of three plus years broke up with me this morning. He said that we have been talking about getting married for a little over a year, have gone to look at wedding rings, and he cannot seem to want to buy one. So, even though he supposedly wants to marry me and supposedly loves me, he doesn't know what it holding him back and therefore is letting me go because it isn't far that we keep dating.
I am very disappointed in him and the situation. I think that he is selfish. I think that he is selfish by not taking a leap of faith in himself, in me, in our relationship. I think he is selfish for making this decision by himself and not talking with me about it. I think that he is selfish in the fact that he doesn't want to get married because that requires a lot of sacrifices that he obviously is not ready to make.
I know that it sounds like I don't love him and that he is not the right guy for me (and maybe he isn't), but you cannot help who you love. And even though he is all of these things, I still love him. And I still think that it can work, but I don't want to be in a relationship when someone is not giving it their all. I don't want someone to love me because they feel like they have too. Plus, this is my pitty party, I can say all the mean things I like.
The hardest thing is that I wasn't prepared for this AT ALL. I had no idea that things weren't happening as we had been talking about. I am completely shocked. I am an emotional wreck. I am pissed off. And I am sad. I know that marriage is a BIG step, but I am ready to get married and start a family.